An Open Letter to the Left-Wing Jerk

Who Peeled the Bush/Cheney Sticker Off of the Back of our Car:

(originally posted 9:19 AM PDT, September 4, 2004 -- Update at bottom)

Thanks a lot, jackass. Thank you for respecting my private property. Thanks for thinking that my opinion doesn't have a right to be expressed on my car. Thank you for showing me what brave and honorable defenders of the First Amendment you Leftist scumbags are. And thanks for reminding me once again why I'm glad I'm a Republican.

I've heard a lot of pissing and moaning lately from the left about how nasty and mean Republicans are. I've heard all the chatter about Bush=Hitler and how our freedoms are being trampled on by the Right and how I'm a digital Brownshirt. I've heard Democrats say that it's time they stopped playing nice and fair and started slinging mud the way they claim Republicans do.

What utter rot. What kind of deep woods hermit do you think I'd have to be not to have noticed the five years of effort trying to make all sorts of mud stick to President Bush? What ROCK have you been hiding on not to have observed the books and bumper stickers and protesters' signs calling conservatives and our leaders nazis, and villains, and all sorts of evil, vile names, calling for the assassination of the POTUS, gleefully celebrating the deaths of American troops because it will damage the President politically? How naive do you think I am, to expect me not to pay attention to the antics of movie producers making hate and lie-filled movies, "comediennes" standing on stage and making snide, obscene comments about the president, or 527's like MoveOn, the Media Fund, and all of Soros' other little whores/handmaidens? This little bumper sticker was NOTHING compared to the crap you've been flinging in your monkey pens for years. But this was personal.

So go ahead, peel off my bumper sticker. I'll just get another.

Go ahead, peel off my bumper sticker. It just strengthens my resolve to campaign for the President.

Go ahead, peel off my bumper sticker. You can't so easily deny me my VOTE. Although I'm sure you wish you could.

Added Note: Based on some feedback from commenters, I feel it prudent to explain why a mere bumper sticker should set me off so. Setting aside for a moment the affront to my personal property, please understand that this was the last straw in a series of incidents of harassment prompted by my display of support for the president. I live in Eugene/Springfield, Oregon, a community with a large population of individuals whose politics make most liberal Democrats seem like Zell Miller by comparison -- Greens, anarchists, Supporters of the likes of Nader, Kucinch, Mumia, etc. Suffice it to say, my conservatism is not often well-received. I've been called a "F@&#ing Republican Commie", my visibly pregnant wife has been cursed at by three different people in as many minutes as she has parked our car, and then this. So while a Bumper Sticker may seem like a small matter, it was one of many small matters that added up. This was my catharsis. 10/01/04

UPDATE 09/24/04:
Thanks for the Memory to Russ at TacJammer.

I know it's not the same person, Vancouver WA's 2 hours north of here. But the following story recounted to Larry Elder by one of his listeners from Vancouver certainly makes me feel a little better:

Dear Larry,

Last Thursday I put out one of my Bush/Cheney signs in my front yard. Between midnight and 3:00 a.m. someone stole it. On Friday night I put out sign No. 2. Since I didn't have to get up early, I thought my dog and I would "stake out" our sign. This time I put the sign a little closer to the gate leading to my backyard. With my dog on an extra long leash, I planted myself on a lawn chair and read "Unfit for Command" by flashlight until about 1:00 a.m. Here comes the fun part . . . I noticed that the car coming down the street was slowing down and pulling over to the curb right next to my yard. Sure enough, he gets out of his car and heads right for my sign. Just as he was about to uproot and desecrate it, I opened my gate and let my dog make the initial introduction! As he ran to hide behind the rear end of his car, I promptly moved to the driver-side door, which was still open. It was a fairly nice car with power everything and still running. While my dog continued to "introduce" herself, I rolled up the window and hit the power door lock button. With that, I slammed the door, grabbed my Bush sign and headed into the back yard.

And now for the "rest of the story." About 40 minutes later, I heard a knock at the door. I opened the door to one of our city's finest . . . the Vancouver Police Department. The officer asked me what was going on and when I told him, he could not stop laughing! I followed him out to the perp's car and stood there while he asked the guy a few more questions. Upon learning that the guy lived a couple of streets down, I -- knowing what was about to happen -- asked him, "Why do you have Oregon plates on your car if you live just down the street (here in Vancouver, Wash.)?" Larry, Oregon has no sales tax, so often Washington residents will buy and register cars in Oregon to avoid paying sales tax . . . it's a crime and the fine is pretty stiff. Here comes the best part. . . . The look on this guy's face told me he knew he was about to get busted. When the officer asked for his license and registration, the "Democrat" mumbled that (his license) was suspended. Just for kicks and giggles I asked the officer if he smelled any alcohol coming from the guy! The officer looked at me, smiled and promptly gave him a field breathalyzer test. Guess what? You got it, he blew a .10, legally drunk in the state of Washington.

DUI, illegal registration and the brand of "MORON," all 'cause he hates Bush!

Sincerely,

John

Cost of Bush signs: $5.95 each
Cost of Flashlight batteries: $3.95/Pack
Seeing a Leftwing Numbskull carted off to the hoosegow: Priceless.

Oh, He's a Democrat, and He's OK...

He flips all night,
and flops all day....

Thanks for the Memory to a Large Regular.

A bit of a Pythonesque jab at the Kerry/Edwards campaign:

Dead Parrot Redux

John Edwards enters Terry McAuliffe's office with John Kerry in tow.

Edwards: Hello, I wish to register a complaint.

(McAuliffe does not respond.)

Edwards: Hello, Miss?
McAuliffe: What do you mean "miss"?
Edwards: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
McAuliffe: We're closin' for lunch.
Edwards: Never mind that. I wish to complain about this candidate that I got teamed with not two months ago from this very office.
McAuliffe: Oh yes, the, uh, the Boston Blueblood Vietnam Veteran Protester ...What's,uh...What's wrong with him?
Edwards: I'll tell you what's wrong with him. He's politically dead, that's what's wrong with him!
McAuliffe: No, no, he's uh,...he's resting.
Edwards: Look, I know a politically dead candidate when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
McAuliffe: No no he's not politically dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable candidate, the Boston Blueblood Vietnam Veteran Protester. Beautiful to watch when he's wind-surfing!
Edwards: The wind-surfing don't enter into it. He's stone politically dead. And I know stone politically dead because I campaigned against Kucinich.
McAuliffe: No no no no, no, no! He's just resting!
Edwards: All right then, if he's just resting, I'll wake him up! (shouting at Kerry) Hello, Mister War Hero! I've got a lovely story of Halliburton making billions.
McAuliffe: There, he moved!
Edwards: No, he didn't.
McAuliffe: Yes he did!
Edwards: (yelling and hitting Kerry on the arm repeatedly) HELLO JOHNNY!!!!!Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! Jane Fonda's on the phone. Alec Baldwin wants to speak with you. This is your nine o'clock wake-up call!

(Takes Unfit for Duty off McAuliffe's desk and hits Kerry on the head with it.)

Edwards: Now that's what I call a politically dead candidate.
McAuliffe: No, no.....No, he's just stunned!
Edwards: STUNNED?!?
McAuliffe: Yeah! The Swift Boat ads stunned him, just as he was getting his momentum after the DNC! Boston Blueblood Vietnam Veteran Protesters stun easily, John.
Edwards: Um...now look...now look, Terry, I've definitely had enough of this. This ticket is definitely deceased, and when I signed on not two months ago, you assured me that his total lack of charisma was due to him being tired and wiped out following a prolonged primary season.
McAuliffe: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Edwards: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment the DNC was over?
McAuliffe: The Boston Blueblood Vietnam Veteran Protester prefers campaigning on it's back! Remarkable candidate - isn't he? He's a great skateboarder!
Edwards: Look, I took the liberty of examining the poll numbers when I got home from the DNC,and I discovered the only reason that he had been sitting on his top of the ticket perch in the first place was that he had been NAILED there by the New York Times and by you.

(pause)

McAuliffe: Of course he was put up at the top of the ticket! If I hadn't nailed him up at the top of the ticket, then "VOOM" his wife and George Soros would have withdrawn all their money from this campaign!
Edwards: "VOOM"?!? Terry, this guy wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through him! Face it - the ticket is friggin' demised!
McAuliffe: No no! He's just pining!
Edwards: He's not pining! He's history! This ticket is no more! We have ceased to be! He's making Mondale look good! He's a stiff! Bereft of honesty! He makes people yearn for Dukakis!! THIS IS AN EX-CANDIDATE!!

(pause)

McAuliffe: Well, I'd better replace it, then (he takes a quick peek in a folder on his desk).
McAuliffe: Sorry John, I've had a look around and uh, we're right out of candidates.
Edwards: I see. I see, I get the picture.
McAuliffe: I got a Tom Harkin.

(pause)

Edwards: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does he have a combat history?
McAuliffe: Nnnnot really.
Edwards: WELL HE'S HARDLY A FRIGGIN' REPLACEMENT, IS HE?!!???!!?
McAuliffe: Look, if you wait four years - maybe I can hook you up with Hillary.
Edwards: Hillary, eh? Very well.

Radio Blog-ah

I received the following email, and think this is a cool idea:

Who: Pundit Review Radio

What: A show featuring the work of the most interesting, influential
bloggers and the impact they are having on the mainstream media

When: Saturday's between Noon and 1pm on Boston's business news station,
WBIX AM1060.

Where: The show is streamed live at www.wbix.com and will be archived
on www.punditreview.com. The show will also be made available to all
bloggers.

Why: We hope to interview our favorites each week and get their fresh
perspective on the news of the moment.

Scheduled Guests Include:
September 25: Matt Margolis, Blogs for Bush

October 2: Scott Johnson, Powerline Blog

October 9: Donald Luskin, Poor and Stupid