Sunday, January 23, 2005

W Plus 44:30

I sm touched and overwhelmed by the volume and the quality of response I've received regarding the Baby Crisis. I pray that God blesses all of you the way you've blessed my. So I've decided to respond to all the comments on my previous post here instead of in the comments section.

Romeocat, that was the most beautiful prayer I've heard in a long time. Thank you. And thank you to all those who are speaking with our Father on behalf of my little family, as well as to those of other faiths who are making their own expressions of hope and encouragement.

To the fellow dads who chimed in, thanks for backing a buddy up. It makes me feel like a member of some secret fraternity. I'm convinced it's a girl, and my friend Brian (aka Lurch) has suggested a name for the 34" Louisville Slugger I plan to get myself for Father's Day: "Abner Doubledate".

And Vulture 6, my old friend, thank you so much for stepping in for me. I'll probably be able to blog for myself the next few days from work, but once labor starts, I'll be relying on you again.

Now for the latest details:
Almost 2 full days since TFR's water broke, and still not a sign of labor yet. No steroids, since 34 weeks is the cutoff for those. She is on antibiotics -- IV for the first 36 hours, oral since then. She's also still taking her Vistoril and Reglan for the nausea, and Pepcid AC to help with the indigestion (and, apparently, it helps hold off labor). Her doctor made the same call as Michael regarding how long to wait -- if she hasn't gone into labor by next weekend, they'll probably induce. I'm going to work until she starts labor, take sick days off for that, then work again until the baby comes home. Then I'll take a week off to spend with the two of them.

I was feeling better about the situation, thought I had my emotions in control, until we toured the NICU, and I saw the babies in there, including one that was born at 34 weeks. I know they'll be ok, but damn, he was fricking TINY!!!!!!! There was this rush of sadness, and a little fear, and... now here's the weird part.... some anger. It pisses me off that there's not a damn thing I can do about the situation my wife and baby are in. I can do my best to help with the external conditions, I gave TFR a pedicure today and have been making sure she gets everything she wants and needs from the hospital staff (who, by the by, kick ass. She's stayed in two wards now, and I've been there during a variety of shifts, and not once have I experienced anything but professionalism and a willingness to go the extra mile), but I can't put the amniotic sac back, I can't make the baby be developed fully, I can't do anything about the internal stuff expect wait. And it makes me want to either break something or break down and cry.

I'm doing my best to soldier on, and I think I've done well so far, but all of you who sent those words of encouragement, remember once you're done praying for TFR and Baby B, to ask God to grant me a little more courage. That's all I want for myself, just that he help me be a man for them.

Thanks again, everyone. God bless.

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