Thursday, February 03, 2005

Won't You Come Home, Chay Baron!


TFR just called, and the horsepistol is releasing The Lad today! He has displayed a bit of apnea, so we have to take a respiration monitor with us, but he'll be HOME where he freaking BELONGS!!!!!!

Oh, thank you all for your prayers and love and support and all the kind words and encouragement! Please keep praying, as this is as frightening as his birth was for me! I can't say when I'll blog again, but in the meantime, Vulture Six has the helm.

Charlie Is My Darlin'

I've never been much of a Beatles or John Lennon fan, but today I think I get John a little better in a small way. Let me explain.

I was restless all night last night, worrying about things I suppose every new father worries about, especially the father of a surprise preemie. Mostly worries about how our already tight budget is going to survive the month early loss of TFR's income, how the hell I'm going to provide for my wife and son, how long until he comes home, will I be a good father. The fears, like the freaks, come out at night.

I couldn't sleep past a certain time this morning,so I left the house arly and stopped at the hospital on the way to work. I took Chay out of his crib abd "Kangaroo Care" held him -- skin to skin against my chest. He fussed for just a minute and then snuggled right in. After I was done "Having something in my eye", I looked down and just watched him sleeping against my chest. It was the sweetest, most reassuring thing I'd ever experienced, and it made me feel better. No, it made me feel wonderful.

You got it right, John.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful Boy.