Saturday, November 29, 2008


While I'm issuing memos:

Dear New York Wal-Mart customers,

Happy? Did you get your bargains? Find the stuff you wanted? Get all your Christmas shopping done early? Save a ton?

Great, fantastic! and only one man had to die to make it happen. How proud you must be, how smug.

As far as I'm concerned, you're beneath contempt. Every damned one of you who ran over the poor man or ignored the attempts of his coworkers and the police to rescue him. I'm all for commerce and capitalism, and I have no problem with a little bit of shopping for the holidays, but damn, what kind of animals are you?

And my heart goes out to the family of this poor man, who was working a temp job. I can only imagine what was going through his head -- trying to get ahead, working, trying to be productive, trying to either pull himself up by his bootstraps or trying to make a little extra to give his family a better Christmas.

And now he's dead.

Because you just HAD to be among the first ones in.

Well, now you have to live with the consequences. I hope it weighs on your consciences a good long time.

Everything's Coming Up... Well, Not Roses

Dear Beavers,


In case you're too lazy (or heartbroken) to count 'em, that's 65 HA's... Sixty-Five.... which, not coincidentally, is the number of points the Ducks racked up against you in a Civil War upset, in Corvallis -- a game the Beavers were supposed to win easily on their way to their first Rose Bowl since the 1960's.


But don't feel too bad, Beavers. You still have a shot at the Rose Bowl. I mean, UCLA COULD beat Southern Cal next weekend. After all, we upset you. But even if that happens, you'll have backed into the Rose Bowl -- you will not have advanced to it on the merits of a victory over the Ducks. Furthermore, you'll be limping into it after having given up to Oregon 65 points -- not just the most ever scored in a Civil War, but the most ANY team has EVER scored on you. EVER.

Chew on that for a year. See you in Autzen.