Friday, September 21, 2007

Since You Asked

Over the past few monhs, my posting has become sparser and sparser, and when I DO post, I get fewer responses to the contents of my psot than the, "Oh, THERE you are!" comments.

Most people have assumed that I've stopped posting because I'm busier than before. Nothing could be further from the truth -- even with work, my summer schedule has been easier than my school schedule.

The truth is I've been too damned depressed to post much. My life sucks, and a lot of what I've had to say in the past rings hollow to me. My marriage is a wreck, for reasons that I prefer not to discuss -- suffice it to say neither of us is innocent. I'm not sure I want to stay, but I have nowhere else to go.

I totalled our only car on Wednesday, and the insurance payoff will mostly go to the bank who holds our lien. Our credit is a shambles -- my own damned fault, so financing another is a joke. To top it off, I was 45 minutes from home and an hour or so from Portland when it happened, and was on my way up to PDX to pick TFR and my son from the airport.

Because of the new job, I had to stay here while my wife and son spent 2 weeks in Florida on her parents' dime, going to Walt Disney World, the Everglades, the beach, drinks by the pool.... I stayed here, worked, and ate frozen pizza. I don't cook goutmet for just myself.

And oh, yeah, that job? I lost it yesterday. The fall school schedule came out, I start Monday, and the schedule straddles the day, precluding me from working a morning OR evening shift. They told me to come back when I graduate, but until then, they can't use me.

So I'm sorry if my mind hasn't been as much on politics or musical geography or anything else. Right now I'm just trying to keep myself from dwelling on the fact that thanks to an insurance policy, I'm worth more dead than alive.